Digging

Incubus's song "Dig" came on Pandora and took me back to a place of feeling I have long forgotten. I don't diary or journal like I did in my younger years, and I think I need to start journaling again. I've grown immensely since the times of the journal entries below, and even with concentrated mental reflection, I realize I need something physical to read and reflect on. I have so much swirling I my head, but ultimately I want to focus on relationships and my fears of getting hurt. 

I think the last 2-3 guys I've dated have really put me in a place where I'm now scared and closed off. I don't want to meet anyone, even in a casual sense. That is no way to live. I know that I need to figure out a way to become open and put myself out there, without feeling like I'm making myself unnecessarily vulnerable. For every time I think I'm making a good choices, something happens that sets me back and it hurts. I know hurt and pain is a part of any process, but I'm tired of it and scared of going through it again. 

One thing I do know and can truly envision for my life, is the lyrics below. I want a partner who I feel does this for me and I for them. Beyond love, it just seems like the ultimate commitment to another's soul to always try to bring the best out of each other, even in the worst of times.

                        "Dig"

We all have a weakness
But some of ours are easy to identify.
Look me in the eye
And ask for forgiveness;
We'll make a pact to never speak that word again
Yes you are my friend.
We all have something that digs at us,
At least we dig each other
So when weakness turns my ego up
I know you'll count on the me from yesterday
If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me
Sing this song
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.
We all have a sickness
That cleverly attaches and multiplies
No matter how we try.
We all have someone that digs at us,
At least we dig each other
So when sickness turns my ego up
I know you'll act as a clever medicine.
If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me.
Sing this song!
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.
Oh each other....
When everything
Else is gone.